Guilt and shame

What is it like you ask? I can’t even begin to answer your question that I’m bombarded by flashbacks and old memories. There’s a sudden rage boiling up inside of me. But it’s despair that surfaces. Instead of words I give tears as an answer. there are so many things I want to say but the words fight each other in my brain until there’s nothing but sounds, letters and syllables scattered in every corner of my mind. I can’t speak. I want to scream but it gets stuck in my throat. I feel defenceless in front of you, vulnerable. I walk away staring down on the ground, maybe I’ll answer you another day.